Help!
by leibyisroel
Summary: Carol is thinking about her choices during labor and delivery of her babies.


Disclaimers: I do not own or have any relation with anyone from ER, nor do I own the rights to the song Help! by Lennon/McCartney.   
Spoilers: Through Season 6  
Characters: CH/DR  
Rating: G

Carol is in the ER, about to give birth. She is reflecting about what has happened to her.

How did this happen? How did I end up single and pregnant with twins? I didn't appreciate him when he was here, and now he's gone, I can't stand being alone. Sure I have everyone from the ER, but they don't live with me, they can't help me at home or anything. I need help. I need someone to be at home, to help with the household chores, come to the appointments, do the shopping, put together the nursery. But not a stranger, not that I could afford help anyways. 

Suddenly, Mark finds the tape that Carol wanted while in labour and puts it on. The song "Help!" by the Beatles fills 

the room.  
Help, I need somebody,  
Help, not just anybody,  
Help, you know I need someone, help.  


So now I'm here, all alone. All the time I see people in my condition, they have *someone* for support - a family member, a significant other, a friend. I have no one. How could this have happened? Who can I turn to? Who would understand? Who has the time, the interest, the willingness?

  
When I was younger, so much younger than today,  
I never needed anybody's help in any way.  
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,  
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Sure, when he said he was leaving I thought I could manage alone. After all, I wasn't pregnant, I thought I'd get over him. I figured I'd manage by ignoring him and forgetting about him. After all, I was young, I could find someone else. It was so liberating to be out of a relationship. But now I'm not so sure. Who would want a woman with kids?  
  
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down  
And I do appreciate you being round.  
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,  
Won't you please, please help me?

When I asked Mark to be my partner, he was glad to. I was so reassured by his being there for me. After all, he knew Doug, I'd known him for a while, he was a father, a doctor. He helped me with the appointments, but how much could he do for me in the house and everything else, after all, Mark has a life too.  
  
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,  
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.  
But every now and then I feel so insecure,  
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.  


Now I'm waddling around, trying to keep working so I have money to support myself and my kids when they come. Trying to fix up a room for them, while keeping everything else going. It's so hard. Maybe I shouldn't have chased him away. I could have used his help now. I need help from others. I can't be alone all the time. What happens if I get sick, who will care for the babies? Who will help me? I need help from him, but can I ask him? Will he come?

  
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down  
And I do appreciate you being round.  
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,  
Won't you please, please help me.  


I should call him. What would I say? Should I beg? I really need his help. I should return his call, or at least pick up when he calls me. But can I swallow my pride in order to get his help? I need it, at least for a little while. Will he come back for me? Or will he expect me to come with him?

  
When I was younger, so much younger than today,  
I never needed anybody's help in any way.  
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,  
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.  


I was so full of pride. I wanted him to stay for me. That was childish of me. I never thought I'd need someone else's help, least of all his. I want help, I want his help. Would he still want me, or did he replace me already? Were those calls for real, or did he just want to brag about what he had found in Seattle?

  
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down  
And I do appreciate you being round.  
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,  
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

I'll call him. I want him here. "Mark? Could you call Doug for me?"

Back to home 


End file.
